


means a little bit more...

by EllisJay



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: And I blame 2020 because this year is ridiculous and so is this, And sdwolfpup, F/M, I blame TWL, I honestly don't even know, I'm very sorry Dr. Seuss, Started with Grinch porn and now we're here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllisJay/pseuds/EllisJay
Summary: Once Dr. Seuss wrote a masterpiece called 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.'63 years later, on a Discord channel, a conversation was born.A shameless and shameful parody for Jaime and Brienne.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 100
Kudos: 122





	means a little bit more...

**Author's Note:**

> For the TWL crew who have kept me laughing and smiling through what has truly been a shitfest of a year. This would surely not exist without any of you since I definitely would have never Googled "Grinch Porn" without knowing I had a safe space to discuss it.
> 
> An extra thank you to sdwolfpup, id buddy extraordinaire, for being basically the best. This would definitely not have been posted without her shameless enthusiasm overriding my disbelief.

Everyone down in Kings Landing, liked Brienne a lot  
But Jaime, who lived just north of KL, did NOT.  
Jaime hated Brienne, in every sort of season  
Now don't ask us why, he had no good reason.

It could be his family didn't raise him up right.  
It could be perhaps that she made his pants too tight.  
But I think the most likely reason of all  
Is that sometimes she made Jaime feel quite small.

Whatever the reason, his dick or his pride  
He found himself glowering when he stood by her side.  
Staring up at her face, with a rich boy smirk,  
Poking and prodding and being a jerk.

For he knew every time he could get Brienne to turn red,  
She'd snarl and she'd fuss and blood would rush from his head.  
And his breathing would grow heavy  
And his blood would run thick  
And every flare of her eyes was like a touch to his dick. 

She'd growl and she'd glare and send his blood thrumming  
And he'd picture her later, as he was bent over coming.  
And tomorrow he knew it would be even harder to fight  
As the town drank and they danced and sang through the night

And Brienne would be there, perhaps in that dress!  
And she'd torture poor Jaime til his pants were a mess.  
With her muscles and arms and insanely long legs  
All shown off by a hem designed to make poor Jaime beg!

And her freckles! And her eyes! And her ridiculous mouth!  
Would all have Jaime straining down south.  
He couldn't go to the party this way, he could not!  
He hated Brienne, but his dick liked her a lot.

And she'd be helpful and kind and drive home the drunk  
And be unfailingly good, leaving Jaime quite sunk  
"For 23 months I've put up with it now!  
I have to teach my dick to settle but HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
Jaime got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" Jaime laughed with delight  
He'd jack off so much his dick would be exhausted that night!  
So he ran to the store and he stocked up on lube  
And some drinks for hydration  
Because he wasn't a noob

And he did lots of stretches, and carefully queued up his porn  
Starting with the Maiden railing Galladon of Morne.  
He ate a light dinner then went early to bed  
Tomorrow he'd jerk Brienne right out of his head!

Then he could stand at the town party with her perfectly near  
And his dick would lie dormant  
He'd have nothing to fear.  
He would ignore her rich voice and the span of her thighs  
And he'd definitely not fall into the depths of her eyes!

It wouldn't matter that she had a sharp and quick mind  
Or that her heart was both so big and so kind  
His dick would be tired, just completely worn down  
And he could stand and glare with his pouty, smug frown.  
Instead of becoming embarrassingly dumb  
Blushing and smiling and tripping over his tongue.

So Jaime drifted to sleep with peace in his heart  
Some called him dumb, but he was actually quite smart.  
Morning came quickly (just as he often did too  
When he pictured Brienne and her eyes oh so blue)

He leapt from the bed and rushed for his phone  
Then slid his hand into his pants with a groan  
(Truth be told, he didn't really need the screen  
One thought of Brienne and his dick was quite keen.)

So went his day, he was set on his goal!  
So much so his right hand paid a big toll.  
But he still had his left and he put it to work  
Tugging and pulling and giving his dick quite the jerk.

By the time night rolled in, he was really so tired  
And it felt like his poor cock had just completely expired.  
He felt a bit smug, as he dressed in his green  
NOW he could focus on just being mean!  
He could snark, he could snip and act like a bitch  
(At the thought his dick gave a small, hopeful twitch)

So off to town he went, his smile quite proud  
He couldn't wait to make Brienne get loud.  
He could make her scream! And he could make her shout!  
Without his dumb dick trying to speak out!

Into the party he arrived with a grin  
Clutching some flowers and a bottle of gin  
He passed them both off to the Starks with a laugh  
Because here came Brienne, he was right in her path!

Just as he figured, Brienne wore a dress  
And he was surprised to find that he wanted no less  
For she still had her muscles, her eyes, and that smile  
And her fucking long legs were at least 40 miles. 

She stood there before him, her dress a deep blue  
And Jaime was baffled as his dick woke anew.  
He hadn't stopped his body from lifting! It rose!  
Somehow or other, who the hell knows.  
He had his suspicions and thus picked a fight  
And was quickly dismayed to learn he was right.

Maybe just maybe, he didn't hate Brienne, not at all  
He was so overcome that he grabbed for the wall  
Out of the room, he hurried quite fast  
Not realizing that Brienne was right on his ass.

Into the library he rushed through the door  
And then she was there, yelling his name in a roar.  
He whirled to face her and then quickly stepped back  
Her eyes were on fire, burning all black

Brienne growled his name as she slammed the door closed  
And up went his dick, oh it rose and it rose.

Jaime surrendered, he finally gave in  
And accepted that more than his dick liked Brienne.  
He stepped in her space and he looked in her eyes  
And breathed out her name as she stared in surprise

Then her mouth was on his, her hands in his hair  
And he knew they'd be fucking right then and right there.  
Her tongue was like fire, her grip like a dream  
His dick knew better than him it would seem.

He slid to the ground and put his tongue right to work  
And she screamed as she came, pulling his hair til it hurt.  
He made her come twice, and then just once more  
Til his knees began to ache from their time on the floor.

So up he went gripping her thighs as he loomed  
Before carrying her to the desk tucked away in the room  
Her dress lifted up, and his pants were slid down  
And he kissed her until he got rid of her frown

The first stroke was heaven if heaven were sin  
And Jaime fucked her and fucked her, hoping he'd fuck her again.  
She came with a shout, his name just a gasp  
And Jaime felt at home in the strength of her grasp.  
They stood pressed together, all covered in sweat  
"Wow" Brienne whispered. "That was the best fight yet."

Jaime just nodded, slipping out with a groan  
"Come on," he told her. "Let's go away home."  
Her eyes locked on his and he laid himself bare  
Hoping she'd see his heart was right there.

And what happened then? Well in King's Landing they say  
That Jaime's tired dick rose 8 more times that day.  
And he finally accepted what his dick had long known  
That Brienne held his heart, and gave him her own.


End file.
